I Cheated Child Labor!

No seriously. If you ask me how long I was in labor, my response is 45 minutes.

Saturday January 18th, 2014 "Estimated Due Date"
Obviously, no baby. Hadn't even lost my mucus plug yet. Was definitely starting to feel like I was going to be pregnant forever. I was so uncomfortable. Couldn't sleep or join in any physical activity with my kids because my previous 89 pound body was to its breaking point.



Very beginning..3 weeks 6 days.

40 weeks!

Sunday January 19th, 2014
I decided on this day I was going to try and make him come. I started doing laps up and down our stairs then my calves began to hurt so I quit after 3 laps. I got discouraged then mad and decided I'd try dancing with the Kinect. Me and Gracie broke it down to a couple songs then had a nice nap. Woke up, went to the bathroom to find I had started to lose my mucus plug! Excitement set in and so after church that night me and Chance decided to break it down (get your minds out of the gutter...we danced you fools!) some more.

Monday January 20th, 2014
Danced some more, lost some more of the mucus plug, nothing out of the ordinary. Every day when I got Gracie off the bus her bus monitor would say "Oh no, Mommy's still here." Yep, Mommy's still here, thanks lady. She really meant "Oh no, Mommy's not at the hospital yet" but she's Italian and I let it slide.

Tuesday January 21st, 2014
Figured since it looked like I might be pregnant for a little longer might as well detail the van and get the car seats reorganized. 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Thankfully a good friend brought over her exercising ball that night, so my back pain was relieved quite a bit.

Wednesday January 22nd, 2014 also known as MARCUS' BIRTHDAY!
4 days "over due" but trying to soak in each painful day of our last pregnancy. It would be the last time I ever felt kicks, heard a heartbeat besides my own in my body, be physically intwined with our children, or have the "pregnancy glow" with a beautiful round basketball tummy. But alas, at 4am my body decided today is the day. Contractions started but weren't very consistent.
6am- I had to get Gracie up and ready for school. While she got ready, I sat on the exercising ball trying, if anything, to help engage the baby.
7:20am- got her on the bus and off to school then came back in the house to start getting ready for our 40 week OB appointment. Contractions were still there, but still nothing consistent.
9:30am- Arrived at my appointment and by then the contractions were 10 minutes apart and 30 seconds long. I still was unsure if I was in labor. With Gavin my contractions started out minutes apart and I knew forsure I was in labor the moment I felt the first few. The nurse asked me if I was having any pain and of course I let her in on what was going on. The week before we had discussed sweeping of the membranes as our last measures at this appointment to hopefully avoid induction. The doctor came in and from what I had told her she figured I was in early labor. I asked about the membranes and if it would help move things faster so we'd have a baby today but was afraid that if I wasn't in labor that it would make me more uncomfortable, possibly make contractions happen for a little while, stall out and then end up being induced anyways. Lifes about taking risks though, right? So while checking me, which I was at a 4 and 75% effaced, she sweeped the membranes and said " I'd like you to stay around base for a while [she was a new doctor who had gotten word about me previously not making it to the hospital and she wanted to be sure I made it this time]; go walk, get some breaskfast and see how you feel in a little while. It'll surprise me if I don't see you back in a few hours".  She left the room and I told Chance that we weren't getting to far from the hospital. The contractions immediately got closer and a little bit stronger, but nothing actually painful. So we came back to the house, loaded the van with hospital bags and what not, pulled Gracie out of school, went to Subway and grabbed some lunch while being asked by many "no baby yet?" to which I replied "he'll be here today". I don't think people caught on that I was in labor. I mean, I didn't look it nor feel like I was. After we ate, we decided it best to take the kids to our friends just incase this was the real deal and things moved quickly like they did with Gavin. Contractions by now were 4 minutes apart lasting about 45 seconds. We dropped them off then I realized I forgot my camera at the house. Out of everything I could have forgotten, I forgot the most important thing. We had to go back home and get it. On our way back Chance looked at me and said "See, I feel like we're doing it right this time. You know, how you see on movies they're always running around getting last minute things taken care of like this before they rush to the hospital to have the baby?" I looked back at him disgusted saying "I feel like we're doing it wrong. I want to be home." We got to the house, grabbed the camera and I quickly used the bathroom where I discovered the "bloody show".  I told Chance we might want to make our next stop the hospital, because you know me I wanted to go check the mail and all. Heading back to the hospital, Chance made sure to hit every bump and pot hole that he could when I had a contraction.

1pm- We arrived at the hospital, got up to L&D where they luckily got me in a room because apparently everyone on base decided today was a good day to have a baby (if there's not enough room at the base hospital for you then you're sent to the Italian hopsital and after my experience there with Gavin they'd have either delivered me in the hallway or I'd been having another unassisted homebirth). I presented them all with this nice birth plan:

Dear Staff of Aviano Air Base Medical Center, Labor & Delivery:

We are looking forward to sharing our upcoming birth with you. We have created the following birth plan to help you understand our preferences for our labor, birth, and postpartum. We fully understand that if a medical emergency occurs, these guidelines will need adjustment, and we are flexible, but it is our hope that you will assist us in making this the experience we hope for.

Labor:

·         The freedom to walk, move, and change positions as desired throughout labor/birth

·         Use of the shower as desired

·         Pain medication/anesthesia only at my request- --please NO offers

·         Hep-lock ONLY for IV---no fluids or any other medicines running unless an emergency occurs

·         Minimal cervical checks

·         Wireless belly monitors if available. If not then only to be hooked up minimally.

Birth:

·         I want to choose the position in which I give birth

·         No one to touch me while pushing---i.e no one “stretching” me so that I won’t tear. Just catch the baby!

Postpartum:

·         Wait a few minutes for the cord to be cut

·         Following birth, I want immediate contact with baby; baby placed on my chest, parents and baby left undisturbed for one hour following birth

·         I plan to exclusively breastfeed and would like to begin nursing shortly after birth

·         Any newborn procedures performed after first hour

·         All baby exams done in the presence of the parents

If for some reason a life threatening emergency happens I give my husband complete authority over me, to make decisions on my behalf if I am unable to.

Thank you so much for your kind and understanding care. Your assistance in achieving our ideal birth is greatly appreciated.

The doctor checked me to see if any progress had been made since that morning and I was dilated to a 5, 75% effaced, and -2 stationed. I requested the wireless monitors because I assured them I would not be laid up, strapped to the bed. Twice they "accidently" almost put the wired ones on me but I made sure I  got the wireless. Then they came in and inserted my hep-lock IV, which was incase an emergency was to arise and they needed to give me any medication, fluids, etc. About an hour later our photographer showed up. I walked around, sat on the exercising ball, chit-chatted, peed, ate ice chips and white donuts...you know just passing time while contracting.

The entire time I kept repeating "I feel like I'm cheating labor". It was seriously no pain stronger than my 4 year old (ahem 5 almost 6 now) could probably handle. I talked through almost every contraction. I didn't feel like the contractions were doing anything to my body and honestly I didn't think we were going to have a baby today. There was even a point where the nurse came in and said your contractions seemed to have spaced out...they're 6-7 minutes apart. I said "I know, I can tell." I mean don't get me wrong, I could tell they were progressively getting stronger because I began to start moaning through them, but they still weren't THAT bad.

 

The nurse repositioning the monitors to see if that's why my contractions weren't reading consistently.

Our photographer even was worried we weren't going to have a baby anytime soon because she said by 6pm if nothing was happening she would have to head home (she has a toddler of her own). Bummer, but completely understandable. So around 4:15pm my sister called not knowing what was going on so I gave her the 411 (I had text her but forgot she didn't have internet to receive the text). We talked for about 15 minutes and then I had a pretty strong contraction so I let Chance end the conversation. Right after that contraction, I had another. Chance and the photographer had started to shut the blinds in the room because the sun was going down and you're not allowed to have them open while giving birth incase there was a peeping tom out there. And as Chance had his back to me not paying a bit of attention, really focused in on shutting the blinds, I said "Something's about to happen. I just had two contractions back to back and that doesn't happen unless something's about to happen". No sooner than I finished my sentence, my water broke (this was roughly about 4:35pm). 

 

Talking to sissy.

First serious contraction.

Water broke.

Things just got real.

So with a louder voice I said, "uh my water just broke". He immediately walked out in the hallway and said "her water just broke" because we know how quick Gavin came after my water broke. You'd have thought someone was giving away one hundred dollar bills with as fast as they got in my room and prepped. But still, I sat on the bed, in absolutely no pain wondering where this baby was. I wondered, did my water break and I'm not fully dilated? This was completely different. Because I wasn't feeling the need to push yet, the doctor and some of the nurses decided to leave the room. The thing is I was feeling the need to push but didn't feel like I could unless I was on the toilet. The nurse in there didn't think it was a good idea but I got my way and went and sat on the toilet. I did actually have to pee but then the pressure got worse.

 

The nurses standing around waiting...

So I made my way back to the bed where my body finally decided it was go time. With my belly facing the back of the bed and my knees planted in the crease, kind of like squatting, I began to push. Now please don't think I was as happy here as you seen in the pictures I posted on Facebook or as pain free as I've been gloating about...because I was not. Pain was horrendous and I kept saying I couldn't do it. I started to cry because I didn't want to do it. And there was a difference in pushing this time...with Gavin my contractions were constant so there was never a moment I wasn't pushing after I started. Here, I had to work with my contractions. They weren't constant. They came and then went away for a minute then came back. At one point, I remember it feeling like his head was half way out then all of a sudden my contraction left me high and dry and I couldn't push without it. I don't think I've ever wished so badly to have another contraction. 

 

 

Finally that contraction came and with a few more big pushes and me wishing they would just pull him out (but they didn't), Marcus Avery Ryan was born at 5:25pm. As the doctor, nurses, and Chance were gawking at him I face planted into the back of the bed feeling so relieved. He made no sound, just like Gavin (I'm pretty sure the med-free birth contributed to this because Jayden and Gracie came out screaming...or maybe it was because I was induced with them and they weren't ready to come out and the last two boys came on their own...). He just looked around taking everything in. I felt horrible because I didn't care to hold him right that second. They kept saying "just look down, you can see him!" or "if you'll turn over you can hold him" but I just wanted to breathe for a moment.

 

The awesome doctor who spent Marcus' first few mintues with him. He made a face at her and she mimicked it.

 

Finally after a few minutes, my 8 pound 8.1 ounce baby was passed to me and again my heart grew.

 

 

Following in big brothers footsteps, before even being handed to me he had pooped in the towel. Matter of fact, there was meconium in the bag of water. Seeing as he hadn't been getting the proper nutrients in utero (scarasm), he instantly took to the boob and was a pro-nurser from the get go (I think those 4 extra days benefitted him).

 

Yep, I was hungry minutes after birth.

 

Chance had planned to go get the kids and bring them up to see the baby then go home with them, leaving me and the baby at the hosptial. I was okay with this plan except I was still contracting really bad and in a lot of pain. Not to mention the hormones exiting my body turned me into a bawl bag. So we decided the kids would meet him tomorrow and we would soak up every second for now. We got to our new room and the night went smooth. Marcus slept in the plastic bin beside me and only woke a few times. The next morning after breakfast and showering, Chance ran home to let the animals out and get cleaned up then went and got the kids. I hear them coming from down the hall and after Gracie seen him she went to the bathroom sniffling. I asked her what was wrong, and she said "I'm just so happy he's finally here!" Best.sister.ever! I asked her if she wanted to hold him and instantly she jumped in the bed. Gavin on the other hand just kept pointing to him saying "baby" but he didn't want anything to really do with him or me. He was angry with me. I had someone else in my arms. I barely got a kiss bye when they left.

 

 

That night it was just me and Marcus, even though I was told I would be going home with my family. They really had no reason to keep me. I had a non-medicated, natural birth with no complications. What was the deal? Oh yeah, remember that baby boom? They were over their heads with paper work and hadn't got to mine yet. Even the next day, they didn't release me until after dark around 6pm.

Finally our family was complete and all together!

 

 

Fast forward one year and three months...

• Marcus is one year old.
• He was exclusively breastfed until 6 months and still breastfed until 13 months.
• He had all of his front teeth by 10 months and has all of his besides the top two canines now.
• He started walking a few days after his first birthday and unfortunately daddy wasn't there to see.
• His first word was da-da and didn't say ma-ma until he was 11 months.
• As I mentioned above, he wasn't born crying and he didn't cry for his first 24  hours of life, not even when the doctors were messing with him. But now, he loves to scream and roar at you!
• He literally was happy and quite all the time...except for at night when he was teething.
• His first two-three months of life he wouldn't sleep unless he was on mine or Chance's chest in the recliner on the couch. Then he started rolling and I was sleeping good although he was sleeping all night, so we transitioned him into the rock n play then into his own crib at 6 months where he's been since.
• He rolled over from his belly to back right before he turned one month old.
• He began crawling around 9 months.
• He would not eat baby food. Every blue moon maybe sweet potatoes but switched solely to table food by 8 months.
• For the first few weeks of life, he would hum while he was asleep.
• He traveled to the states on his first birthday.
• He's never taken a bottle. Not even with breastmilk. He went straight from the boob to a hard top sippy.
• He got pneumonia while in the states after we had been snowed in for 5 days.
• He loves to climb on anything. Dare devil to the extreme.
• He knows sign language. Thank you, eat, milk, all done, please, and more.
• He loves to sing "Let it go" "Hotdog, hotdog, hot diggity dog" VeggieTales theme song, and Baby Signing Time theme song.
• VeggieTales, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Baby Signing Time are his favorite things to watch.
• He loves to be outside.
• He has stranger danger meaning he acts like he will run from us but once he notices we're not following, he'll come back.
• He can say "da-dou" (thank you); 1, 2, 3 GO!
• He's our only daddys boy so far.
• He loves to be sung to to sleep, "Jesus loves me" in particular.
• He loves to worship in church. He even lifts his little arm.

Marcus,
You are such a blessing and perfect addition to our family. I didn't know how it was going to work being out numbered kids to parents...but not for one moment have we ever regretted it. Matter of fact, we've chosen to have more if God sees fit. You strengthened our faith in God when he healed you in my womb. You are a delight to watch. If that's all the rest of my life consisted of, that would be okay. You make me laugh even when I don't want to. Your personality is contagious and addicting. Raising you is so tiring, but I'd never trade one single cent to miss a moment. I love to watch your little mind work. You are most definitely a problem solver. I pray you grow up a strong and mighty man pursuing after God. He has an amazing plan for you. We love you so very much!

I wanted a decent picture with all of us looking and Jayden's picture in it. With 3 kids that's nearly impossible. So, I took the one image our photographer got of us all looking and edited it myself to make it look like Gavin was holding the picture. Hopefully you wouldn't have been able to tell if I hadn't told you!

 

This is the original.

 

He, obviously, is not a fan of cake.

Birthday party!

 

Birth and Newborn Photography done by Wibbly Wobbly Photography

One year family photos and smash cake session done by Randi Underwood Photography

Birthday party pictures done by myself.

Keep Calm, it's only...

Or so that's what the call we received on September 6th, 2013 told us could be a possibility. Before you go thinking we had that dumb, 50% accuracy blood test done that test for these abnormalities, we didn't. Because we would love and carry our children no matter their condition, we have always opted to not get this test done with any pregnancy.

August 27th, 2013 (Chance's 24th Birthday)
We went for our 20 week anatomy scan, where originally we would've found out if there was a hamburger or hot dog, but us being the impatient ones that we are, we already knew there was a hotdog. But this scan/ultrasound isn't only to find out the gender, it's also to make sure your baby is growing properly and there are no abnormalities. Leaving the clinic that day, we had no doubt that our baby boy was "as healthy as an ox" and everything was perfect. Or this is what the tech that performed our scan made us believe. He repeatedly talked about how beautiful he looked and how perfect his heart was.

September 6th, 2013
Chance was at work, the kids and I were at home finishing lunch and I got a call. It was one of the OBGYN's from the clinic. He proceeded to tell me that he was reviewing our 20 week anatomy scan and found a cyst (Choroid Plexus Cyst) that was located on the baby's brain and that he was going to set us up with an Italian specialist at Udine hospital for a more in depth/level 2 ultrasound. I remember thinking to myself while he was talking; this is the quietest you've ever been on the phone Tabitha. As I fought back the tears, he continued and said "after we get the results from Udine we'll know what our next step is". It took everything in me to not let him hear how hard I was sobbing. The only question I could muster or even think of at this time was, "what does the cyst mean/do?" And he responded with, "it’s a red light for Trisomy 18 also known as Down Syndrome but these cyst tend to go away on their own". He also said that everything else looked good on the scan which was good because usually babies with Down Syndrome show multiple abnormalities in a scan and this is why he would be sending us for a more in depth ultrasound to either confirm that it was indeed Down Syndrome by finding more abnormalities or dismiss it in hopes that the cyst goes away on its own. My heart sank even lower. Not because of the Down Syndrome, no...that was the good part. The bad part was depending on the severity, we could very well be burying yet another child before we pass. He then urged it a good idea to go ahead and go to the clinic later that afternoon and get the dumb, 50% accuracy test done so that we would know round about how big of a risk we were at. I hang up and just sit down crying and praying. I didn't want to go through another child loss. But I knew no matter what, we would carry him full term, birth him, and give him the best shot at a normal life as possible! I knew if this was to be, God chose me and Chance for a reason. He felt we were fit enough as parents to care for such a fragile, very special blessing. I called Chance and told him the news to which he was very upset too. Luckily his supervisors let him off work immediately. I went and got the blood test out of the way, but it still didn't do us any good because it would be a few weeks before we got the results back for that. Since I was already at the clinic I made a stop by the OB's office to ask more questions since I had had more time to think about this. I walked up and asked the front desk lady to speak with the doctor (she hadn't went over my chart yet, so she wasn't sure all the details) and she asked me to wait one second while she went and grabbed my chart and grabbed the doctor. On her way back in, she looked up and said "oh, is this about your low lying placenta?" I must've looked at her like she had three heads. You mean something else was wrong?! I said "no, I wasn't even told about that. What does that mean?" She said, "you are border line placenta previa. That means that your placenta that should be up high on your side is only 1.2cm away from covering your cervix where the baby will pass through. If your placenta moves and covers the cervix you are at risk of bleeding to death, losing the baby, and possibly the only way to save your life is a complete hysterectomy...worst case scenario. If it covers the cervix you will be put on high risk status and cannot be more than 30 minutes away from the hospital at all times. But in most cases the placenta will move away from the cervix as your belly gets bigger." Wow, my head was spinning. Never had we had ever had anything wrong with any pregnancy! Maybe this was what we get for being pregnant almost constantly for the past 7 years except for 2010 and 2012. Not to mention my severe underweightness. Maybe my body was finally throwing the towel in. The doctor, who was a different one than the one who I spoke with on the phone, walked in shortly after the front desk lady finished telling me that and I simply told him, "prepare me for the worst." He said, "it's just a cyst, and most of the time it goes away on its own. Considering there were no other abnormalities on the scan, I'm pretty sure it will. As far as the placenta, it is a worry but you're not in dire risk right now. Yes we like for your placenta to be at least 2cm from your cervix but as long as it's not covering it we will just closely monitor you and do a few more scans to see if it’s moving at all. If it stays where it’s at, you can still have a vaginal delivery but we will have to take extra precaution and go over the major risk it could pose when you dilate and begin to push. But I honestly think the more your belly grows the more the placenta will move up and away." I breathed a very light sigh of relief thinking "alright, chances are both of these conditions will go away on their own and all will be well again...hopefully".

Days passed and we constantly thought and prayed for healing or comfort. I remember thinking to myself, "maybe this is what I get for that comment (I can't remember what it was now though) about Down Syndrome people while at Disneyland". And for those that don't know, I have no problem with anyone with a disability. But while we were at Disneyland in July we came across many people with Down Syndrome who were very rude and constantly screaming at people to get out of their way! Maybe this was to make me more understanding of those people and their condition?

I researched both conditions online giving more hope that in most cases these cyst go away on their own and the placenta moves up over time.

Hours turned to days; with no phone call for an appointment in Udine (we were waiting for our insurance to approve the referral). Days turned to weeks and our routine OB appointment came around. The doctor, a different one that the other two I had previously talked too, once again went over everything and assured we should have our Udine appointment soon. She also mentioned how big the cyst was for the first time...7mm. This was almost double the size she had normally seen. But she too thought odds were on our side since no other alarms were detected in the scan. I then asked if they got the results back from the blood test and they had. I had a chance of 1 in 10,000 of passing Down Syndrome to him, but to me this test meant nothing. For one, it wasn't very accurate and two, we've been part of a statistic (SIDS) before and the odds were not in our favor. We left, not knowing what to think or feel. We just knew they needed to hurry up and call us with an appointment date so we could know for sure what was going on.

September 27th, 2013
Finally we were called and our appointment date came. Three weeks of the grueling unknown was about to be known. Chance set outside in the waiting room with the kids while I went in. The specialist was an older Italian, but spoke very fluent English and was highly talked of. He began the scan and he talked a bit about how the cyst are a red light but usually go away on their own and I told him, "well when you get to it, tell me so I can see it" because let’s admit, sometimes you have no clue what they're looking at during an ultrasound. He replies, "well it’s gone. It's not there anymore." I'm surprised Chance didn't hear me in the waiting room! I shouted, "What?! It's gone? Completely?!" He said yep. Emotions flooded my body, but I held it together. To lighten the emotions the specialist said, "doing your ultrasound is easy. Most American women are fat and it’s hard to see their ultrasounds, but you're not fat and it’s easy!" While laughing I watched as our perfect baby boy yawned, made sucking motions, kept his hands in front of face, and squirmed about in my belly. Nothing had ever been so beautiful. The specialist ruled out any abnormalities to our baby then checked his weight. He weighed 1 lb. 8 oz. which had the doctor worried at first that he was on the big side for my size. But when he found out that I birthed regular sized babies, Gavin at almost 8 lbs. and Jayden and Gracie at 7 lbs., he didn't seem too worried. Next he moved on to check the placenta. It had moved up away from the cervix just a smidge. It went from 1.2cm to 1.5cm away from the cervix. So we weren't completely out of the woods there, but it seemed to be getting better which was moving in the right direction! He finished up, handed me a booklet (literally 45) of ultrasound pictures, and I walked out to the waiting room and immediately darted to the bathroom with my sidekick, Gracie. I told her when we walked out she was to hide behind me then jump out and yell "the baby is perfect!" (except she said his actual name) when I told her too. So out we walked, Chance looking and laughing at us, I said now Gracie and she popped out and said it but Chance said "what?" because when she says his name it's hard to catch so you really have to be listening, so she said it again, and he said "who?" then she pointed to my belly and he looked at me teary eyed and said what?! What did he say? I told him and you would've sworn a few years of worry had been shaved off us. We were so excited that we forgot to pay for our parking when leaving the hospital parking lot, so we ended up backing up traffic at the exit gate and making the gate guard a little less fond of Americans.

So with great joy, our baby boy IS as healthy as an ox and we'll know more about the placenta with our next OB appointment. If everything is still moving in the right direction, we will hopefully be coming home for a visit in around a month and a half!! Eeeek!

To celebrate the news, my birthday, and to just get away for a night, we rented an apartment on the beach that Saturday and enjoyed some much needed family time and relaxation. So here are some pictures for you to enjoy of our healthy boy, my growing tummy at 24 weeks (these are not the professional ones I had done, just ones we took ourselves), and our little trip!

Yawning :)

Profile :)

Nose and mouth

Gorgeous heart<3

Eye sockets

Side profile

I thought it was so neat how you could clearly see his bones!! His femur.

Arm bones and waving or flexing his daddy would say  :)

Spine

Distance between the placenta and cervix

Tiny little foot :)

 

 

1, 2, 3, 4...5?

When someone finds out that we have 4 kids, whether or not they know Jayden is here with us or not, the first question we are always asked is, "Are you done?!"

I'll give you a background on our previous pregnancies.

Baby #1: Jayden Glenn Ryan. Conceived in June 2007. Me and Chance had known each other all of 9 months and been intimate all of 2 months. Very fast, we know. In our young minds was not our age but how badly we each wanted a child...or how badly we wanted to fill a hole of love in our hearts. I had just recently lost my mother in April. He had lost his father at the age of 5 and his mother was having health probelms. We wanted something to fill this void, give us something to love, give us something we could better ourselves for...and we got our angel Jayden. He was planned. We decided that when we became initmate "whatever happens, happens".

Baby #2: Gracie Lynn Ryan. Conceived in October 2008. Little did we know that in the blink of an eye, 3 months and 18 days to be exact, we would lay our first born to rest. We were more lost now than ever before. We had no purpose in life. What we lived for was gone. A few weeks after Jayden passed away I couldn't handle the emptiness anymore. I couldn't handle walking around with my arms hanging to my side. I couldn't bare to go in a store and see babies everywhere, even with parents who didn't even deserve them, yet our baby was chosen. I wanted another. We wanted another. 3 months after trying, 6 days after our wedding, we were blessed to find out we were pregnant again. She became our saving Grace. She was planned.

Baby #3: Gavin Chance Ryan. Conceived in March 2011. A few days after bringing Gracie home from the hospital, I was talking to Chance on the phone (he was in tech school for the Air Force) and said, "I want another." It didn't matter that I had a few day old baby on my chest. I knew I wanted one more. I knew I wanted a sibling for Gracie. I knew I wanted to try for another baby boy. I loved having my princess. I loved playing dress up and tagging her along everywhere I went. But I knew Chance wanted another son. I knew he wanted what I had with Gracie. He always talked about the things him and Jayden could've done together. We decided that we'd put at least 2 years in between our kids. Then in January 2011 we got orders to Italy. Baby fever had started to hit but I knew we should wait til after the move because it would be super hard to move overseas pregnant. I wouldn't be much help. Not to mention I wanted to have a spring baby so that means we would start trying right after we got to Italy. Perfect. So I got on the Nuva Ring birth control. Unfortunately it was making me sick so I decided to stop it. I found out a few weeks later that when I stopped the birth control it induced a menstrual cycle and an ovulation and caused us to get pregnant when weren't expecting to. A little sooner than we had planned but it was okay, we would make due. He was a planned surprise and we felt complete. We felt that we were done, we didn't want to take anymore chances. We had two happy, healthy, rambuncious kids on earth and it was time to focus on ourselves, our marriage, and our education. We used breastfeeding as our birth control for Gavin's first year of life because it is 99% effective, plus I didn't have a cycle during this time, therefore no ovulation. Cycles began to come back and we began to watch the days that we were intimate. I didn't get on birth control then because I was still breastfeeding and I don't like the thought of any extra hormone I'm taking getting into my baby's system. February came and we stopped breastfeeding and decided that I should get on birth control until we got "fixed". The only thing was, we were afraid to get fixed. We were afraid that maybe long down the road, we might want more. So birth control was the solution until we were fully decided and ready. We knew that if we wanted more, we could and if not then not. Started the birth control in April. The first week was rough because it made me have morning sickness but it was okay, I was going to tough this out because this is what we wanted. First week passed, the sickness subsided and all was well. I could do this!

Baby #4: Not telling you the name ;). Conceived the very end of April 2013. I had just got done taking my placebo birth control pills (the pills you take while on your cycle), and started my new month. And again, the sickness hit me. I was second guessing if I could do this anymore. Every month I would have one week of sickness until I got fixed?! (Chance posted a note on our refridgerator with a crying baby saying "one week a month or you'll get this!" God love him!) Not to mention we were going to the zoo my 2nd day of taking the pills and I didn't want to feel sick the entire time. So I just quit taking them. We'd figure something else out later. This time, no cycle was induce so I thought we were in the clear to just go off my previous cycle and plan when not to be intimate. Wrong. An ovulation was induced, just not the cycle. And as the story goes, no cycle came after that either. May 8th, I was a few days late and Chance had mentioned that he thought I was pregnant but I didn't feel like I was. Sounds silly I know, but with all the others I knew I was pregnant before I even peed on the stick. I figured since stopping the birth control, it had messed up my clock work cycle I had and my cycle would eventually come. But after Chance mentioned he thought I was pregnant, that became all I thought about. I had one test in my bathroom. Fine, I'd take it the next morning and felt like I would be able to prove him wrong. With all the other kids, and I know this is silly, but we have always waited to test until we were both home so we could share the moment of joy together. But I just knew it was going to be negative, so I didn't bother waiting. Let me mention that a week prior to this, Chance had his referral put in for a consultation about getting the vasectomy. Morning came and my built in alarm clocks go off (the kids :)) and I stumbled to the bathroom almost forgetting to take the test. I take the test, didn't even bother to look at the results, laid it on the sink and went to get the kids. Get them downstairs, cups of milk and cereal in their hands, and I go to check the test. Get out of here! One bold pink line and a very faint second. He was right and now I felt bad because he wasn't there. But I didn't feel too bad because the emotions that run through me this time wasn't the same as the previous ones. I was scared. Even adoption ran through my mind. But what didn't cross my mind at this point, except abortion? I was completely blown away in shock. I gathered myself and decided I had to find a way to tell Chance and texting or calling wasn't how I wanted to do it because as much shock as I was in, he was bound to be too and I wanted to see. So on the kitchen table I laid the test with a note that read this, "You might want to take a seat and put your glasses on. And maybe give your doctor a call." He came home from work, started telling me about his day not knowing anything about what awaited him. He changed, went into the kitchen and stopped at the door. He had seen. He went and read the note, came in the living room holding the stick with a smile on his face saying, "you're kidding right?" "Nope I took it this morning." "You took it without me?!" And then immediately he started asking the same question I did, what are we going to do? We knew what we were going to do, we would let it soak in, get our acts together, and prepare to make our family bigger. What would our family's say though? We already know they think we have enough and are too young anyways. If they couldn't support us, that was okay. We'd still get by. This was our blessing. God intended for this baby to be in our lives. We might've planned no more kids but you learn in life things don't go as planned. The Man upstairs has the upper hand and he'll never steer you wrong. As the weeks passed, we became more excited, deciding on names, planning the nursery, and biggest of all...telling Gracie. She is 4 now. Old enough to understand. She is over elated, and that's an understatement. So, this one was not planned, but that doesn't change anything.

Back to the question everyone has been asking..."are ya'll done?" And the answer is yes. When I was first asked this, I would say "I'm not going to say yes or no because we thought we were done the last time. So until an operation takes place, I will say I don't know." And it also didn't help that I'm OCD about things being even. We knew that it wasn't twins and so there wasn't a chance of 1 boy and 1 girl to keep it even. We knew that it would either be a boy or girl and one of the kids would have a forever best friend and the other would not (I say this because me and my sister are super close and Chance and his brother are super close and we both have siblings of the opposite sex that we're not as close to). Not that Gracie couldn't be best friends with her brothers or Gavin be best friends with his sisters but you just have more in common with the same sex and usually have similar interest. This kind of made me want to try at least one more time no matter what the sex of baby #4 was so they could possibly each have a same sex sibiling. I know this all sounds silly, but for me and my husband, we pretty much only have our sibilings to rely on. I'm not that close with my fathers, my mom is gone, and Chance's parents are gone. We know what it's like to have nearly noone but your sibilings. So I prayed. Chance really insisted he was done. But I wasn't for sure. I didn't want to make him have another just so I could be happy. I wanted to be at peace with the 4 children I was blessed with. And then I was. At supper last night, Chance mentioned going back to the doctor. I hadn't even told him I was at peace with it yet. So I stopped him in his tracks before he finished his "I'm going back to the doctor" with "no matter what you say" and said, "Okay. It's okay. I'm at peace with it now. I prayed about it and I'm ready to be done if you're ready to be done." Looking at me awkwardly, "So what changed your mind?" "Well I prayed about. I told God to make me at peace with you wanting to be done. Open my eyes and show me that it will be okay if Gracie doesn't have a sister or Gavin doesn't have a brother. And He did. He reminded me of the amazing bond me and my mother had together. Had it just been me and her for the rest of our lives, I would've been okay with that. She was there for me for everything. Better friend that any kid my age. More wiser and my guider. She was the perfect listener and had the softest shoulder to cry on. I have no doubt that me and Gracie will have that same bond and she will be okay without another sister. And, God forbid me leave too soon, I know that we will raise our children so close that no matter what their gender is, they can lean on each other." And with that we smiled and finished supper. I'm at peace with my decision. I'm done. Unless the good Lord above decides otherwise, Chance will have his operation before this baby is born and me shortly after.



Oh and I guess since I'm blogging and you didn't catch it up above...maybe you would like to know the sex of baby #4?! When we first found out, we were all dead set it was a girl. I even done this at home bake soading gender test, where you put baking soda in a cup, add some of your urine and if it fisses its a boy and if it doesn't it's a girl. Mine didn't fiss. I didn't believe the test just because there's a bunch of old wives tales out there, but I was almost for sure it was a girl anyways. About 3 weeks ago I got this strong urge that the baby was a boy. I told Chance and he said no way, it's a girl. So in reality, I was team boy and he was team girl unlike the photos depict. And with the results in as of August 7th, 2013 at 6pm via 4D ultrasound with a gestational age of 16 weeks and 4 days.....

By PumpkinCharm Photography

 

A few photos we did ourselves

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By PumpkinCharm Photography

 

The Ryan's family is overjoyed..

It's ANOTHER baby

BOY!!! :)

 

 

 

His adorable face with his hands by it!

Money shot ;) Even with a twinkle on top!

 

 

Edit:

As of 2 years (May 2013) after this post, neither of us have had any permenant operations done. And we are not going to. Since being in Italy we've developed a closer relationship with God and we feel that if more children are in his plans for us, then we can't wait! Maybe Marcus might be our last or maybe not. Maybe God will bring us to foster or adopt. Whatever lies in our future only he knows. And we know that he will guide us through it all! We love our children and would be blessed to have more of God's blessings!!  We are at peace with whichever way things go. So to answer the question again...are we going to have more? Only God knows!! :)