It's a healthy growing..

TODDLER! :) Yep, you guessed it. That sweet lovely little girl that was talked about in the last post, is now a thriving, happy, healthy toddler. Although it makes me so sad to see her grow up, Im so excited that I get to be part of seeing it! We had her 2 year check up today, and she has quadrupled her weight from when she was born at 6 pounds 13 1/2 ounces. She weighs a whopping 28 pounds. Shes 34 1/2 inches tall, which when you think about it, shes only grown 14 1/2 inches from birth..doesnt seem like alot but the doctors claim shes pretty tall for her age. We didnt have to get any shots today, just a finger prick, and she takes those like a champ. Shes on track with her learning and all her skills. Just over all, we couldnt have been blessed with a healthier child!! :)

Some of her favorites or things that shes learned over the past year..
*walking, running, jumping..boy does she love to run from you, especially at night time. And what better way to wake up your parents then by jumping on the bed? But might I add, she is still in her crib and probably will remain there until closer to the new babys arrival unless she decides to try and climb out herself.

*talking (unfortunately this includes back talking)..she can now talk in somewhat of sentences. Like if she doesnt want something she'll say "I dont want it" or when daddy leaves she says "daddys back" meaning daddy'll come back :) If she wants something, shes gotten out of the whining stage to where she tells you. Like if she wants to color, wants cereal, if she "stinks", etc. Shes just become a talking machine. But FYI for you mom's this didnt start happening until we took the pacifier away from her. It used to stay clipped to her and stuck in her mouth 24/7 and when we noticed at 18 months she wasnt talking to us like she should her pediatrian recommend we just give it to her at nap time and bed time. Then bada boom bada bing, she started picking up stuff left and right. Oh and might I add, she picks up on everything! My favorite is at night time before we go to bed, we tell each other, "night, night", sweet dreams, love you, and see you later!

*singing..she loves to sing along to theme songs like Spongebob, Dora, & Diego..which are also her three favorite shows and the only three she will watch unless you can catch Little Bear on or if she sometimes gives you a break by wanting to watch Shrek.

*dancing..she loves to set her paino in the middle of the kitchen and press a music button and dance, dance, dance! She actually doesnt know how to "shake" her butt so mommy's been trying to teach it to her. Needless to say the furthest Ive gotten with that is her holding her butt and bouncing up and down.

*naming things..with a little bit of help, you can pull out any of picture, color, number, shape books and she can name pretty much all of them back to you. She can also point to and name any basic part of her body.

*undressing and dressing herself..yes, at 2 years old my daughter can completely dress herself, including shoes and undress herself. Of course everythings not going to be perfect or match but she tries!

*cleaning..boy does this girl LOVE to help clean. Unfortunately I think Ive passed on my bad trait of being OCD, I just hope she learns to control it better than me. But for now, if you give her a cloth, wipe, or towel she'll wipe off everything, including walls. And this aint the typical 2 year old type of cleaning..she literally cleans things. She puts her toys away while we sing "The Clean Up" song. She helps with laundry, the trash, organizing things, dishes, and much more. Oh and while were talking about helping, she goes to the bathroom with me, shuts and locks the door, hands me the toilet paper, then shuts the lid and flushes for me. Boy do I have a big helper on my hands, but Im not complaining!

She organized these herself

*brushing her teeth..she loves to brush her teeth. Although were still in the learning stages and she mainly does it for the toothpaste, its a work in progress.

*mimicking..she loves to copy what someone else does, like if were eating and I take a drink she thinks she has to too. Or if were watching tv, say Dora, and she says to jump or say this..Gracie follows her every move.


*Spongebob..shes become overly obessed with him. And this is NO exaggeration. We get up, we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner off of Spongebob-ware. We watch Spongebob non-stop til nap time, then wake up and watch it til bed time. When were in the car, its Spongebob that keeps her attention on the DVD player. Her bathroom is done in Spongebob by her choice..yes she picked it out. Its a Spongebob mad house around here. As I know its not that educational for her, cartoons only come once in a life time and who am I to judge when I was a Spongebob fanatic myself? Yes, I still have my comforter, sheets, pillow shams, and pj's. They say like mother like daughter, and I think I turned out okay, dont you? :)

*balls..she loves her box of balls. Shes always like her ball pits but between the cat, dog, and her jumping on them we could never keep them inflated. So after spending over $100 on ball pits we decided a box would do just as good, and sure enough its proved its worthiness.

*becoming a daddys girl..for the first year she wasn't to attached to daddy because where he was in tech. school the first 3 months of her life, then after we moved to SC me and Gracie took many trips back home to see family. And of course the breast feeding had a little bit to do with it. So after we weened her on her first birthday and actually started staying home, she became such a daddys girl. Although shes still a mommys girl most of the time!

*playing..what kid doesnt like to play?? she loves to go to the park and swing and slide (all by herself). She loves to play in the pool and ride her four-wheeler. But her most favorite thing is to come down stairs from sleeping, and throw all of her toys in the floor. Its a good thing shes so darn cute playing with them!

And after a long days play, she loves to sleep!

*being picky..I can tell you everything she eats in about 15 words. This kid is beyond picky, but once again, like mother like daughter :) Cookies are by far her favorite food, then theres spagetti, potatoes, mac & cheese, chicken nuggets, chicken fries, french fries, pizza rolls, grilled cheese, cereal, corn dogs, waffles, oatmeal..and thats about it besides sweets. Boy does she have a sweet tooth, like her daddy!

Over all shes become a bright, loving, sometimes dramatic, independent..toddler!

Our Rainbow Bliss!

6 days after tying the knot,
we found out you were going to enter our lives.
A new bundle of joy, excited and prepared,
we couldn’t help but to be scared.

November 7th, 2008

The day we found out, 4wks 5days

A few months later, on February 17^th,
we said our “see you laters” to daddy, as he headed off for the Air Force.
You were still growing, 18 weeks to be exact,
about the length of a bell pepper, weighing 7 ounces as a matter of fact.

18wks

On week 22, I found out your gender,
we were both elated about the pink splendor!
Your name already picked out, we knew deep within,
and there was no better name than Gracie Lynn.

22wks

The months drug by,
and the days got hotter,
but alas the time was here,
for your arrival.

29wks 5days

My trip down to TX before she was born, around 36wks

Daddy sporting the belly cast we made

I picked up daddy from the airport,
little sleep we got before the alarm started ringing.
Up and at em’ at 4:45am,
the ride to the hospital felt like the longest drive ever!

July 10th, 2009

Hooked up to the Pitocin,
Bag of water broke,
the contractions kept coming,
and they were no joke!

Wanting to feel comfortable,
I requested the epidural,
little did I know,
I was soon unstable.

Numbed from head to toe,
Blood pressure getting way low,
after two shots, a breathing mask, and my epidural being shut off,
I was on my way to feeling a little bit better.

A few hours passed,
the nurses came in,
they said “get ready to push,
you’re already at 10!”

Pushing and pushing,
we knew you were near,
and at 1:56pm,
Daddy shouted, “She’s here, she’s here!”

6 pounds 13 ½ ounces, 20 inches long,
we were overjoyed as tears streamed down our face.
The doctors and nurses stood clear,
to give us our space.

Family and friends
Came and went;
Flashes filled the room,
to capture the blessed event.

2 days later,
we brought you home;
it was a bittersweet moment,
because daddy couldn’t stay long.

We left the hospital and went straight to get our pictures taken

Off to the airport,
that very same day,
we once again said our “see you laters”,
Except this time the pain was greater.

Daddy whispered, “I’ll see you soon,
don’t forget daddy loves you!”
Your arm stretched high not wanting him to go,
But 3 months later we welcomed him back home!

Our trip down for daddys Tech School Graduation, daddy put her in the cock pit of a jet; 1 month old

After he finally came home for good!

You fill our lives with nothing but laughter;
it’s your brother’s smile that you take after.
As the years go by, just remember this,
we love you so much, our little rainbow bliss!

"For Every Life Taken, Another Is Given"

Today marks three years since I last seen my baby boy, since I last kissed him..since the day I laid him in the ground.

Jayden Glenn Ryan's story starts on Friday, July 13th, 2007, the day we found out we were expecting our first child. I, at the age of 16, was overly excited because finally my life had meaning again...I had just lost my best friend, care taker, guider, also known as my mom due to cancer three months before. As for Chance, at the age of 17, had just lost his brother to suicide not even a month prior.

Months passing, pregnancy going amazing (including being able to control the morning sickness), November came and we were elated to find out we were having a boy! Our dreams were big for him as we wondered whether he would be a mommas boy, a daddy's boy...would he play football, baseball, basketball. Would he ride four-wheelers or like fishing. Would he follow every single step daddy took?

Our dreams were finally coming true when we were admitted to the hospital on March 14th, 2008 to be induced. After having my water broke, being in excruciating pain, getting a demerol shot (which by the way, I now tell the doctors to NEVER give me! I literally felt like I was going to die...I couldn't breathe, hear, see, or anything. I guess some would explain it as feeling high, but I, for one, do NOT like that feeling), only being at 4cm, I opted to get the epidural. After 12 hours of active labor, at 5:10pm I delivered our bouncy, screaming, baby boy. Weighing in at 7 pounds 1/4 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long, he was perfect and healthy. As for me, I wasn't doing well. Come to find out (this is something I did not know until I had my daughter) I am anemic and after every birth I have to have a shot to help stop the bleeding or else Ill bleed to death...side effects to the shot; I stayed sick 24 hours afterwards and wasn't even able to hold or see my baby. Days passed, we finally went home and then, yep you guessed it...postpartum depression sit in. His first night home was amazing! He got up twice during the night and we slept in til 9am the next morning! Feeling rested I wasn't prepared for the all nighter he had planned the next night. From 2am-7am I tried everything to get him to sleep...feeding him, changing him, rocking him, sleeping with him...NOTHING worked. Finally I broke and wondered why I brought this child into the world when I couldn't take care of him. Of course this was just a phase that I eventually got over and adjusted.

 More days passed and I went back to doing my school work online to finish high school, Chance went back to work, and being parents seemed to be settling well with us. In April, we moved into our own apartment and I got a job. In May, I walked the line with my class. In June, I started cosmetology school. Seems pretty hectic, huh? I was trying to be that mom that only wants the best for her child's future and trying to beat the statistics that teen moms don't succeed. Of course none of this would of been possible had we not had the support of Chances mother, Linda. Best mamaw award would definitely go to this woman! Remember the postpartum depression? Yep, she was our savior! She would watch him for us on the nights that I had school the next morning and Chance had work. She was making sure that we succeeded in all that we wanted! 

 

Weeks passed, and on July 1st, 2008 we went to Linda's to spend time with Jayden before we left him for the night. We sit out on the porch and watched the neighbors shoot off fireworks, laughing and talking as any happy, healthy family would do. It was time to leave and for some reason I was having a hard time leaving. We got in the car and immediately tears streamed down my face. Chance asked me what was wrong and all I could respond is I don't know? Maybe it was that I felt Jayden thought more of Linda as his mom than me, but we knew that wasn't true...Jayden knew momma when I walked in the room. We continue on our way home and I just couldn't stop the tears. We get home, I cried my self to sleep, then...beep beep beep...5:30am my alarm goes off. I wake up and my first thought was...check your phone. I did so then told myself, see you cried for nothing last night, everything's just fine...you didn't get any bad calls last night. Little did I know, that call was being processed.

7am, July 2nd, 2008 me and my sister set off for another day at school which for us was an exciting day. We were meeting a big cosmetologist who worked in the "famous" world then taking a trip to Sally's Beauty Store. The drive to school was like any other...long and tiring. We drove one hour to school and one hour from school everyday. We get to school, get settled in, meet with the cosmetologist and get ready to leave for our "field trip" then my phone starts vibrating. It was my cousin who I didn't talk to regularly but I just figured if it was important she'd leave a message or that she just had the wrong number. Then my sister turns to me and says, shes calling me too. So that raised my curiosity a bit. She then called me back, so I stepped out of the classroom and answered. Our conversation played out a little like this...
Me "Hello"
Her (crying) "Tabby I'm so sorry"
Me "Sorry about what? What's going on?"
Her "You don't know?"
Me "No...what's going on?"
Her "Wait a second let me call you back"
Click.
So I figured well if she knew, then her mom (my aunt) had to know. So I called my aunt. She answers, also crying.
Me "What's going on? She just called me and said she was sorry." (Note: I'm leaving all names disclosed)
Her "Let me call you back, let me call you back.."
Me "Just tell me whats going on."
Her "It's Jay...let me call you back!"
Click.
At the sound of "Jay" I knew something was wrong with my baby...wasn't sure what yet but I knew I needed to get home. So me and my sister load up and head off. I called Chance on the way.
Me "Whats going on? Everyone's calling me saying sorry. Is Jayden okay?"
Him "Who called you?"
Me "Her, whats it matter though? Just tell me whats going on?"
Him "Are you driving?"
Me "Yes I'm coming home. If nobody will tell me whats going on then I'm gunna find out myself!"
Him "Pull over, were on our way to get you."
Then silence...
Me "Why....."
Him "Its crib death."
Me "Whats that? Who, Jayden? Is he okay? Is he still alive?"
Him "No honey, he passed. Just pull over. Were on our way. You don't need to be driving that's why no one was suppose to contact you."
Pulling over to the nearest exit, I lost it. I got out of my car and fell to the ground screaming. After what seemed like days, Chance finally showed up. I was still in disbelief and shock. Were they sure it was our Jayden? Did they even try to save him? How? Why? The whole car ride was silent. We arrived at the hospital and walking through those sliding glass doors, everyone glared at me. Going through the ER doors, hearing "is that her?"...I just couldn't go no further. No, this isn't right. I shouldn't be here. Just let me go home and my baby will be there healthy and happy. I was then told I had to go, I had to confirm it was him, but that's what I didn't want to do. Walking in the room, the stench hit me...and there he lay, so peacefully, you would've thought he was sleeping. His body was cold and I can remember asking the coroner why? What happened? Couldn't you save him? Nobody could answer my questions. I laid there with him lifelessly, wishing it was me instead, hoping they were wrong, hoping he'd wake up, but what had happen was done and there was nothing I could do but deal with it. We left the hospital and went to Linda's to check on her.

I asked her...Linda you're the only one who can tell me what happened. Please tell me.
"We slept out in the breeze way in our recliner, I had his bottle ready for him when he would wake for his nightly feeding. We fell asleep, him cradled in my arms, 6am rolled around and Chris wanted to be up to go to the post office. I sat Jayden down, not thinking to look at him, he was still warm and I just figured he'd slept through the night finally. I got Chris up and came back to find his lips blue. I immediately started CPR and called for Chris to call 911. They got here, whisked him away and worked on him for 30 minutes. We just couldn't save him. I called daddy because I couldn't tell you guys, so I sent him over to tell Chance around 7."
Then I wondered why I wasn't alerted next. Why wasn't I called before I got 50 miles away from home? When Chance was alerted he said he wasn't functional enough to call me, and by the time that he did come to I was already at school and it was best someone come get me then me drive home and possibly wreck and kill myself or someone else.

My life was and has been forever changed by this precious baby boy. He showed me the meaning of love, happiness...family. I'm so grateful to have been chosen to be his mother if only for 3 1/2 months. Those are 3 1/2 months that I have some of my fondest memories and some of the best days of my life! To this day, its not easy and NEVER will I get over him passing nor will any other child I have replace him. He holds a near and dear special place in my heart. We just learned to cope with it. That's all you can do. You cant let it over take your life because you're not only hurting yourself, but those around you that care for you.

I love sharing his story because for one, I want people to know he once lived and for two I want people to be aware...aware of all that can happened. I had no clue what crib death/SIDS was, of course I don't think it was anything we done that caused this, but Ive taken better precaution on how to "prevent" it with my other children.

So on this day, we will go to the park and watch fireworks and think of our baby boys eyes lighting up like they did that last time we seen him, we'll be thankful for having been his parents, and hold our daughter closer than ever, knowing that all in all...we've truly been blessed!