You're Three Today

A rainbow baby is a term used to describe a child born after the loss of a child. The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of colour, energy and hope♥

3 years ago, we were blessed with our Rainbow Baby.

Dearest Gracie,
Words can't explain the happiness and joy you brought back into mommy and daddy's life. You were what our arms longed for. You gave us our second chance at being parents. You brought us back to life when we thought there was no point in returning. You saved us. We mourned Jayden's death, but in that darkness, God and him blessed us with you. I always think about how things would be different if your big brother was here..how you'd play, fight, laugh; how he'd stick up for his little sis. But truth of the matter is, without his passing, you wouldnt have been. Of course I long everyday to hold him and kiss him but never would I change the way things turned out to be. I became a stronger woman and a better mother because of what we went through, but most of all I was blessed with you because of what we went through. You're my princess that loves to brush her teeth, scream at the top of her lungs to daddy that "MAMAS YOUR BEST FRIEND!", aggrivate the pee out of mommy and daddy by not listening or telling us no. The princess that only wants a hug after being spanked or yelled at, makes her parents say "sowwy and I not mean too" to each other when they argue, loves to have mommy and daddy feed her, breastfeds her dolls and treats them with such tenderness. You take on the role of the greatest big sister, by tending to your little brothers every coo and cry. You smother him with love and kisses. You're super smart and love mommys iPad and without Mickey Mouse Clubhouse I dont know where we'd be. You are everything mommy and daddy ever dreamed of having. You can tug at our patience but melt our hearts with a simple "I love you". You're such a thriving 3 year old and although I wished time would slow down, I cant wait to see the little lady you turn out to be!
Happy 3rd Birthday Baby Girl!
With all my love,
Mommy :)

Better late than never, huh?

On the 13th of March Gavin turned three months old. It's still so hard to believe it's been three months even though I say that e.v.e.r.y post. Everyday that passes were so thankful for but also scared for. Jayden was 3 months and 17 days when we lost him, and I know we still got 9 more months to go til were in somewhat of a 'safe zone' but to me I think the majority of the loses occur in the 3rd month. It's so hard not to think about it day in and day out but were dealing. So what's new this last month, let's see..
*head control, still not perfect but for the most part he can do it by himself
*laughing out loud
*fighting his sleep because he thinks I'll give in and nurse him to sleep if he wins..Wrong! (you should know, I raised Gracie on a very strict 'every 3 hour' schedule and I'm doing the same with him because it works best for our family)
*teething. Yes at a little under 3 months old he started teething. My earliest teether yet. Poor fella chews on his hands til theyre blood red and hurt
*became attached to Gracie. He loves his big sister more than I could ever express and she just adores (thats an understatement!) him! He smiles every time he sees her and if shes around he always wants to be touching her. She will let you know in a heartbeat that's her bubba.

He's no longer fits in the newborn hold :(

Pulled out the jump-a-roo

Head control :)

Props to me, I MADE this onesie. I made the design then put it on a iron-on transfer :)

Two peas in a pod :)

"Those look scrumptious!"

3 Months!

Had there not been that cushion right next to him he wouldve rolled over for the first time :)

For Gracie, she is still potty trained (except for occassional accidents during the night, but for the most part she wakes herself up to go) and shes getting to that point where I need to start a book called "Kids say the darnest things". Shes so funny anymore and her imagination is starting to take off. Like last night sitting at the table eating "petezees" (pizza in her language) she said "Oh no mom! Floor!" I said "oh no? Floor what?" She goes "Mud!" I said "oh no were going to sink!" Haha and we just went on about it. Also she's hitting the whiny stage. She cries/whines about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. I dont know which is worse, terrible twos or this?

Uh-oh, watch out Commisary/BX shoppers :)

Bella<3

Also as you know we 'celebrated' Jayden's 4th birthday on March 14th. For us it's such a bittersweet day. We celebrate all that he taught us in his short 3 1/2 months of life and mourn that he's not here to celebrate with us. We released balloons with cards tied to them, lit a candle (that made our house smell so good) in his memory for the day, and bought him a gift...a nerf gun. I could just see him and Chance now having nerf gun fights. The cards where perfect too. On one it said "Youre 4" on the front with an air plane and inside it said "Wishing you a birthday thats flying high, touch the sky fun, cause new adventures are what being 4 is all about!" He sure is flying high! & the other one said "Missing you" on the front and "I dont think Ill ever get used to this" inside. Usually we would host a little birthday party/event for Shining Lights for Jayden in his honor and if you brought a gift it would be donated to a "toys for tots" or children's hospital, but being so new in Italy we didnt do it this year. So little sister Gracie got to take advantage of the new toy and she loves it!

Writing to bubba Jayden

Hope you liked your balloons and cards bubs!

We also found another house (remember we were looking for one since Gavin's room was taken hostage by mold?). Its 10 minutes from base (plus!), it's a set of 5 duplex buildings with only Americans living in them (double plus!), and it has an AMERICAN SIZED washer AND dryer (super plus!!). This is a big deal guys. The Italian washer and dryers are about ONE FOURTH the size of an American one. And just think a family of four with a baby who spits up a lot, wears cloth diapers, a potty training toddler who occassionally pees the bed, plus normal laundry?! No lie, I do laundry e.v.e.r.y day, a.l.l day. And our dryer, literally takes all day to dry one load of clothes and thats NO exaggeration. Because instead of like American dryers using heat to dry the clothes, these dryers spin the water out o f the clothes to dry them. So you have to empty a pan of water every load. See? I could go on and on about how crappy the Italians washer and dryers are and how excited I am about the American size washer and dryer! It also has city gas (where the gas runs directly to your house from the city so you dont have to worry about filling your tank or running out) instead of Gasolio (where you go buy the gas and have someone come fill your tank to heat your house and water). This is a plus because right now were experiencing the "oh crud! we didnt check the tank, now we dont have any gas." So yes, that meant no heat or hot water for us but thank the Lord for our amazing landlord who brought us 100 liters, free of charge, Sunday to hold us over til we moved or til they could come fill up the tank. Hopefully we'll be moved in this house by the end of next week.

And then of course we celebrated Mr Gavin's first St. Patrick's day. FYI, one year that were here were going to Dublin Ireland to a REAL St. Patrick's day party. One of the many plus' of living in Europe..it wont cost us an arm and leg, just a few hundred bucks!

I also made this onesie; design and all! :)

Hm, think thats all for now. Ciao!

Leap Year

Every 4 years is considered Leap Year. Why? Because it takes Earth 365 AND 1/4 days to circle around the sun but of course theres no such thing as a 1/4 day. So every four years we add a extra day to February. For us Leap Years are pretty special because of the extra day added to February.

On February 29th, 2008 we held our very first baby shower, celebrating and welcoming our son Jayden Glenn Ryan. I cant tell you how much I prayed not to go into labor this day (I was three weeks shy of my due date!). But on this day our family and friends gathered at our local YMCA, sharing lots of love and "good lucks" for us new parents-to-be.

37 weeks

We loved our cake :) It has the ultrasound picture showing his boy parts.

Im so glad he wasnt the type of father who thinks baby showers are just for women. He had just as much fun as I did.

"I love my Daddy"

Not every year do I get to reflect back on this wonderful day.. only every four. Its bittersweet to say the least.

Boy, I sure do miss you baby..

Living a Dream

Two weekends ago, I had a "proud moment in Italy". As most know, Im not a big fan of living here in Italy. I miss the simplicity of the states. Its just such a culture shock coming here. I miss our family and friends, I hate that they have to miss out on our kids lives, not to mention the language barrier. But, there seems to be some light at the end of this "living in Italy" tunnel! We ventured out for the first time and got to experience a mini Carnevale in the town that we live in. (Yes, Carnevale as in what you see on the movie Rio with all the floats, music, dancing, and most of all..costumes! Costume wise, its like their Halloween. The one we went to wasnt as big, but theres a bigger one here in Venice that were hoping to go to next year. Ive been told that the float that is voted the best gets to go to Brazil to praticipate in theirs!) I have to say, the states parades has nothing on Carnevale. It was so amazing. They had all kinds of floats ranging from businesses to movies like Harry Potter, Grease (even their music was in English, definitely my fav!), Shrek, Pinocchio, 101 Dalmations, Sleeping Beauty and we cant forget the vulgure floats. They had a jail float with porn pictures hung up then they had men dressed in skirts high above your head on a float flashing you (they had undies on but still to much for me & kids at that) so that when you looked up..BAM! And for some reason, almost 85% of the guys were dressed as girls. But overall it was an amazing experience and as I stood there watching I thought to myself.."Am I really witnessing a Carnevale parade in Italy and living here?" Crazy, I know but it was so fun!

Notice the 2 legged giraffe?

How cute is that little Zoro? Then theres Fred Flintstone in the back.

The witch off of Sleeping Beauty, with one of the fairy Godmother's.

This is another thing thats different..instead of throwing candy they throw confetti/colored shredded paper. & its not just them throwing it at you..you throw it at them too!

Look at those kids!

The Harry Potter float..then my camera went dead :(

That same weekend, while Chance was at work I had an Italian police officer come ring our gate. Of course he spoke no English, but had a piece of paper with an English translation (that still made barely any sense) saying Sir (ha, I liked the 'Sir' part) Jordan C Ryan was invited down to there police station. Nice way to put it, huh? So I signed the paper and told Chance. That following Monday morning he went to find out that hes the father of Jamie Ryan here in Italy...JOKING. But this is what they told him, remember how I said recycling is very serious here? Well they found a bunch of trash on the side of the road in a town about 20 mins away from where we live, unsorted, and in it was a piece of mail addressed to this Jamie Ryan. Assuming this person was American the police contacted the base and the base told them that Chance was the only possible person who could be this kids father that was currently stationed here, not taking into account that weve never lived there and the people who did, just PCSed. They were gunna try and fine us for someone elses trash just because they thought, but had no proof, that this kid was Chances. Im sure it was also because were American and truth be known the Italians have it out for us. Of course Chance explained to them that we just got here and that he has two kids but neither are named Jamie.

I finally done something with my hair. It was getting to where I was just putting it up in a bun all the time because it took too long to straighten or style. My choices were between a short cut with bangs or a long "emo" cut. I got the long cut because if I done the short style Id have to wait another 1 or 2 years to let it grow out again so I could do the long cut. I figured if I done the long cut first, this summer I can do the short cut and experience both.

Before..

After. Credit to myself, I cut more of my bangs and sides because I wanted it to stand out more.

Styled and acting silly.

*Knock on wood*, were in the process of potty training again. But this time Im not giving up and going at it hard core. Hard core means, shes in underwear and if she has an accident I show her dissapointment and explain to her that she needs to go potty then put a new change of underwear on her. No more diapers. Period. Youre probably wondering how she doesnt ruin our floors or furniture. Well the Italians did do some thinking ahead on this potty training thing so that no house here has carpet, its all hardwood or tile which is super easy to clean up. Then I took an old shower curtain and covered the part of the couch she usually sits on and took puppy pads and covered her Dora couch and recliner. Since yesterday weve had one accident and that was when I first put her in the underwear before she realized they werent a diaper. When she had her accident she freaked. Obviously she was wet and hated it! After that it took an act of God, tickling, and pushing on her stomach to get her just to pee again. She wouldnt even attempt to pee in the underwear in fear of peeing on herself again but she hadnt fully understood the concept that if she peed on the potty it wouldnt get all over her. So I sat her on the potty and a few seconds later it was like the flood gates opened. You could tell she had been holding it for a while (a while meaning, even through nap time). Then later she started crying that she had to "stink" and was holding herself, so after lots more coaching she went again. Put her to bed, still with underwear on because like I said..no more diapers! She got up and was dry. It took her a few hours and lots of holding it in again, but she pulled through and used her potty again! I really think were gunna get somewhere this time. Do you know how much easier it is to only change one kids diaper instead of two?! Now we just gotta hope pooping goes just as easy, because we havent experienced that yet. Her bowel movements are so messed up but you can tell when shes going because she stands still, grunts and pushes, and tells you shes pooping. So Im just hoping I can catch her and just stick her on the potty in time.

I wasnt kidding.

Gavin, ah, hes forming such a personality. Hes such a happy and good baby. His new thing right now is right after hes done nursing, he looks at me and just starts grinning from ear to ear. It makes me feel so good inside that he relys on me for so much. And knowing that he loves nursing just as much as I do, ah theres nothing like it. People really dont know what theyre missing when they pass up the opportunity to breast feed.

Look how long his eye lashes are?!

Time to cook lunch, Ciao!

2 Months & First Valentine's Day!

TWO months?! Doesn't seem like it, huh?
I know :(
What's new..
*Learning he can move his body parts; his favorite: hitting himself in the head, grabbing the side of the changing table as if it were going to collapse while getting changed, and sticking his tongue out
*Smiling! Which of course I updated on last blog
*Sleeping all night! Goes to bed around 9:30-10:30pm, sleeps BY HIMSELF (Gracie didn't sleep by herself til she was 9 months!) next to our bed in his pack n' play til 7am or sometimes 9am! And if Gracie is still asleep when he gets up for his feeding then we all just go back to bed until she gets up, and in that case he stays in the bed with us
*Were seeing more and more each day, how much he looks like Jayden
*Like Gracie, he loves his blanket and can't go to sleep without it. He has to have his head covered with it or he won't go to sleep
*His gas..O.M.G, this kid can run you out of a room! He takes that well after his big bubba, Jayden. Gracie was never like this.
*Loves watching Gracie! He's so mesmerized by her
*Chewing on his fist; he's almost mastered putting the whole thing in his mouth
*Slobbering..we definitely have a slobber box/drooler on our hands
*"Talking"

*Gaining more head control

Look at those eye lashes? Definitely got Chance and bubba's eyelashes :)

"So big at 2 months!"

Sticking that tongue out at daddy :)

"Talking" to daddy

If I didnt tell you, could you tell this was photoshopped on there?

"Mommy is so mean, making me lie on my tummy!"

Im hoping to do a picture like this til hes a year old to show how big he gets :)

Over this past weekend it snowed and we got a good 3 inches, so me and Gracie went out and built a snowman and played. Who knew Italy was prettier with snow?! I'm hoping one winter we'll get to see the Eiffle Tower in the snow, how pretty would that be?! Yeah, be jealous.

Dressed warm!

Oh my! Melt my heart!

"Its snowman!"

Did you know that next month marks our 1/2 year mark of living in Italy?!

Valentine's Day was a blast here! First we got woke up at 6am by Gracie (yes, she now gets out of bed and opens her door on her own) saying "I stink" and sure enough a few seconds later I got a sniff of it. Then she cried wanting to sleep with mommy and daddy (secretly, I love her sleeping with us!). After daddy got home from work we gave the kids their gifts, only to find the Pocahontas movie we got Gracie didnt work in our dvd player and was in Italian. And before you ask no we didn't buy it here, I ordered it off Amazon. So we had quite the melt down over that, but mommy saved the day by finding it for free online. Then we ended the night with roast & potatoes (canned spagetti for our very picky eater) and daddy and Gracie made a red velvet cake with cream cheese icing and sprinkles, yum!

Dont you like their little Italian bears? :)

Goodness, we have a beautiful little girl!

She wanted to hold his hand :)

Yep their Chance's kids..same blank expression he always has :)

Baby's first Valentine's!

Look how big in just two months!!!

They were JUST this little!!

Yep, we need guns, whether were in Italy or not!

"Look at me! Im princess!"

Valentine's Day 2012

Valentine's Day 2010; in the same dress just bigger size..WHERE has my baby gone?!

I guess I'll claim her :)

Handsome little fellow!

They love each other!

Theres that tongue again :)

Eating her chocolates

Red velvet cake, cream cheese icing, with sprinkles, yum!

Oh and guess who got her braces off? Yep, this girl!!

I never really took a "before" photo so this will have to do

AFTER!! I finally love my smile!