I'll give you a background on our previous pregnancies.
Baby #1: Jayden Glenn Ryan. Conceived in June 2007. Me and Chance had known each other all of 9 months and been intimate all of 2 months. Very fast, we know. In our young minds was not our age but how badly we each wanted a child...or how badly we wanted to fill a hole of love in our hearts. I had just recently lost my mother in April. He had lost his father at the age of 5 and his mother was having health probelms. We wanted something to fill this void, give us something to love, give us something we could better ourselves for...and we got our angel Jayden. He was planned. We decided that when we became initmate "whatever happens, happens".
Baby #2: Gracie Lynn Ryan. Conceived in October 2008. Little did we know that in the blink of an eye, 3 months and 18 days to be exact, we would lay our first born to rest. We were more lost now than ever before. We had no purpose in life. What we lived for was gone. A few weeks after Jayden passed away I couldn't handle the emptiness anymore. I couldn't handle walking around with my arms hanging to my side. I couldn't bare to go in a store and see babies everywhere, even with parents who didn't even deserve them, yet our baby was chosen. I wanted another. We wanted another. 3 months after trying, 6 days after our wedding, we were blessed to find out we were pregnant again. She became our saving Grace. She was planned.
Baby #3: Gavin Chance Ryan. Conceived in March 2011. A few days after bringing Gracie home from the hospital, I was talking to Chance on the phone (he was in tech school for the Air Force) and said, "I want another." It didn't matter that I had a few day old baby on my chest. I knew I wanted one more. I knew I wanted a sibling for Gracie. I knew I wanted to try for another baby boy. I loved having my princess. I loved playing dress up and tagging her along everywhere I went. But I knew Chance wanted another son. I knew he wanted what I had with Gracie. He always talked about the things him and Jayden could've done together. We decided that we'd put at least 2 years in between our kids. Then in January 2011 we got orders to Italy. Baby fever had started to hit but I knew we should wait til after the move because it would be super hard to move overseas pregnant. I wouldn't be much help. Not to mention I wanted to have a spring baby so that means we would start trying right after we got to Italy. Perfect. So I got on the Nuva Ring birth control. Unfortunately it was making me sick so I decided to stop it. I found out a few weeks later that when I stopped the birth control it induced a menstrual cycle and an ovulation and caused us to get pregnant when weren't expecting to. A little sooner than we had planned but it was okay, we would make due. He was a planned surprise and we felt complete. We felt that we were done, we didn't want to take anymore chances. We had two happy, healthy, rambuncious kids on earth and it was time to focus on ourselves, our marriage, and our education. We used breastfeeding as our birth control for Gavin's first year of life because it is 99% effective, plus I didn't have a cycle during this time, therefore no ovulation. Cycles began to come back and we began to watch the days that we were intimate. I didn't get on birth control then because I was still breastfeeding and I don't like the thought of any extra hormone I'm taking getting into my baby's system. February came and we stopped breastfeeding and decided that I should get on birth control until we got "fixed". The only thing was, we were afraid to get fixed. We were afraid that maybe long down the road, we might want more. So birth control was the solution until we were fully decided and ready. We knew that if we wanted more, we could and if not then not. Started the birth control in April. The first week was rough because it made me have morning sickness but it was okay, I was going to tough this out because this is what we wanted. First week passed, the sickness subsided and all was well. I could do this!
Baby #4: Not telling you the name ;). Conceived the very end of April 2013. I had just got done taking my placebo birth control pills (the pills you take while on your cycle), and started my new month. And again, the sickness hit me. I was second guessing if I could do this anymore. Every month I would have one week of sickness until I got fixed?! (Chance posted a note on our refridgerator with a crying baby saying "one week a month or you'll get this!" God love him!) Not to mention we were going to the zoo my 2nd day of taking the pills and I didn't want to feel sick the entire time. So I just quit taking them. We'd figure something else out later. This time, no cycle was induce so I thought we were in the clear to just go off my previous cycle and plan when not to be intimate. Wrong. An ovulation was induced, just not the cycle. And as the story goes, no cycle came after that either. May 8th, I was a few days late and Chance had mentioned that he thought I was pregnant but I didn't feel like I was. Sounds silly I know, but with all the others I knew I was pregnant before I even peed on the stick. I figured since stopping the birth control, it had messed up my clock work cycle I had and my cycle would eventually come. But after Chance mentioned he thought I was pregnant, that became all I thought about. I had one test in my bathroom. Fine, I'd take it the next morning and felt like I would be able to prove him wrong. With all the other kids, and I know this is silly, but we have always waited to test until we were both home so we could share the moment of joy together. But I just knew it was going to be negative, so I didn't bother waiting. Let me mention that a week prior to this, Chance had his referral put in for a consultation about getting the vasectomy. Morning came and my built in alarm clocks go off (the kids :)) and I stumbled to the bathroom almost forgetting to take the test. I take the test, didn't even bother to look at the results, laid it on the sink and went to get the kids. Get them downstairs, cups of milk and cereal in their hands, and I go to check the test. Get out of here! One bold pink line and a very faint second. He was right and now I felt bad because he wasn't there. But I didn't feel too bad because the emotions that run through me this time wasn't the same as the previous ones. I was scared. Even adoption ran through my mind. But what didn't cross my mind at this point, except abortion? I was completely blown away in shock. I gathered myself and decided I had to find a way to tell Chance and texting or calling wasn't how I wanted to do it because as much shock as I was in, he was bound to be too and I wanted to see. So on the kitchen table I laid the test with a note that read this, "You might want to take a seat and put your glasses on. And maybe give your doctor a call." He came home from work, started telling me about his day not knowing anything about what awaited him. He changed, went into the kitchen and stopped at the door. He had seen. He went and read the note, came in the living room holding the stick with a smile on his face saying, "you're kidding right?" "Nope I took it this morning." "You took it without me?!" And then immediately he started asking the same question I did, what are we going to do? We knew what we were going to do, we would let it soak in, get our acts together, and prepare to make our family bigger. What would our family's say though? We already know they think we have enough and are too young anyways. If they couldn't support us, that was okay. We'd still get by. This was our blessing. God intended for this baby to be in our lives. We might've planned no more kids but you learn in life things don't go as planned. The Man upstairs has the upper hand and he'll never steer you wrong. As the weeks passed, we became more excited, deciding on names, planning the nursery, and biggest of all...telling Gracie. She is 4 now. Old enough to understand. She is over elated, and that's an understatement. So, this one was not planned, but that doesn't change anything.
Back to the question everyone has been asking..."are ya'll done?" And the answer is yes. When I was first asked this, I would say "I'm not going to say yes or no because we thought we were done the last time. So until an operation takes place, I will say I don't know." And it also didn't help that I'm OCD about things being even. We knew that it wasn't twins and so there wasn't a chance of 1 boy and 1 girl to keep it even. We knew that it would either be a boy or girl and one of the kids would have a forever best friend and the other would not (I say this because me and my sister are super close and Chance and his brother are super close and we both have siblings of the opposite sex that we're not as close to). Not that Gracie couldn't be best friends with her brothers or Gavin be best friends with his sisters but you just have more in common with the same sex and usually have similar interest. This kind of made me want to try at least one more time no matter what the sex of baby #4 was so they could possibly each have a same sex sibiling. I know this all sounds silly, but for me and my husband, we pretty much only have our sibilings to rely on. I'm not that close with my fathers, my mom is gone, and Chance's parents are gone. We know what it's like to have nearly noone but your sibilings. So I prayed. Chance really insisted he was done. But I wasn't for sure. I didn't want to make him have another just so I could be happy. I wanted to be at peace with the 4 children I was blessed with. And then I was. At supper last night, Chance mentioned going back to the doctor. I hadn't even told him I was at peace with it yet. So I stopped him in his tracks before he finished his "I'm going back to the doctor" with "no matter what you say" and said, "Okay. It's okay. I'm at peace with it now. I prayed about it and I'm ready to be done if you're ready to be done." Looking at me awkwardly, "So what changed your mind?" "Well I prayed about. I told God to make me at peace with you wanting to be done. Open my eyes and show me that it will be okay if Gracie doesn't have a sister or Gavin doesn't have a brother. And He did. He reminded me of the amazing bond me and my mother had together. Had it just been me and her for the rest of our lives, I would've been okay with that. She was there for me for everything. Better friend that any kid my age. More wiser and my guider. She was the perfect listener and had the softest shoulder to cry on. I have no doubt that me and Gracie will have that same bond and she will be okay without another sister. And, God forbid me leave too soon, I know that we will raise our children so close that no matter what their gender is, they can lean on each other." And with that we smiled and finished supper. I'm at peace with my decision. I'm done. Unless the good Lord above decides otherwise, Chance will have his operation before this baby is born and me shortly after.
Oh and I guess since I'm blogging and you didn't catch it up above...maybe you would like to know the sex of baby #4?! When we first found out, we were all dead set it was a girl. I even done this at home bake soading gender test, where you put baking soda in a cup, add some of your urine and if it fisses its a boy and if it doesn't it's a girl. Mine didn't fiss. I didn't believe the test just because there's a bunch of old wives tales out there, but I was almost for sure it was a girl anyways. About 3 weeks ago I got this strong urge that the baby was a boy. I told Chance and he said no way, it's a girl. So in reality, I was team boy and he was team girl unlike the photos depict. And with the results in as of August 7th, 2013 at 6pm via 4D ultrasound with a gestational age of 16 weeks and 4 days.....
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| By PumpkinCharm Photography |
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| A few photos we did ourselves |
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By PumpkinCharm Photography
The Ryan's family is overjoyed..
It's ANOTHER baby
BOY!!! :)
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| His adorable face with his hands by it! |
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| Money shot ;) Even with a twinkle on top! |
Edit:
As of 2 years (May 2013) after this post, neither of us have had any permenant operations done. And we are not going to. Since being in Italy we've developed a closer relationship with God and we feel that if more children are in his plans for us, then we can't wait! Maybe Marcus might be our last or maybe not. Maybe God will bring us to foster or adopt. Whatever lies in our future only he knows. And we know that he will guide us through it all! We love our children and would be blessed to have more of God's blessings!! We are at peace with whichever way things go. So to answer the question again...are we going to have more? Only God knows!! :)
